Car insurance and Car payment are one!

Me: Car payment?

Client: 46 dollars

Me: -blinks- 46 bucks a month for a car payment?

Client: yes

Me: Car insurance?

Client: I just gave it to you

Me: -blinkblinkblink- Nooo you gave me the car payment, I’m asking for car Insurance

Client: and they are the same thing

Me: nooooo…car payment is you paying someone for you car and car insurance is you paying an insurance company to cover car insurance

Client: Ohhhhhhhhh…

Me: yeah…so um..do you own car out right?

Client: yes, the 46 dollars is for the insurance, I don’t have a car payment

Me: -mutters with mute button on- fucking twit

——-

Makes my head hurt when I have to deal with people like this…holy crap man!

PS: I’m gonna hurt the yappy dog that I can hear on the phone right now, sharp pitched creature must die!-ahems..eyes shift-

Everybody wants to be a cat

Day: Thanksgiving 2008

Scene: Dining room table

 

So Fayne and I were eating our pies at the table while everyone else was doing their thing in the living room. Fayne’s son J was coming through the dining room singing…loudly…this is how it all went.

 

J: Everybody! Everybody! Everybody wants to be a cat!

Me: -groan- I am starting to hate that song.

Fayne: Why is that?

Me: Stupid thing get stuck in my head at work.

-Jack still singing in the background.-

 

Fayne: -About to say something and…-

 

Everybody: EVERYBODY! EVERYBODY! EVERYBODY WANTS TO BE A CAT!

 

Fayne&me: -howling with laughter, doubled over the table-

 

Fayne: Talk about perfect timing!

 

 

 

I really…really am starting to hate that part of that song. Damn you Aristocats!

Car Hell

Week one

• Thursday – Sea Turtle the car blows out white smoke and dies on the side of the freeway, have to call friend to pick me up
• Saturday – Sea Turtle starts, get it to the station to be worked on

Week Two

• Monday – Pick up Sea Turtle, water pump, oil change…blah blah blah…$269
• Thursday – Sea Turtle over heats, get it to a parking lot and WHOOOOOOOOSH huge cloud of smoke…later that eve…God damned head gasket blew.

Week Three

• Monday, call the second station to let them know unknown time of when car will be towed
• Tuesday…again

Weeks since then

• Second station endlessly calling Voice mail asking when I’ll pick up the car. Well GEEEEEEEEE I don’t KNOW yet…stupid
• having to keep calling them…I have no friggin clue bright bulb!

I paid $1500 for that car a little over three years ago…I have put no more than $600 of work into it. I have put more than 150000 miles on that car. I think that car has been a good car and now needs to be laid to rest. I found a junk yard that will pay me $75 AND pick it up…I just gotta find the damned title. *GROANS* One of these days I will get it figured out

I hope….

Tidbits of calls…

So I work in a call center…I’m on the phone for eight hours a day..I council people who are filing for bankruptcy..I get the joy of talking to some really brilliant people. Here are some tidbits of calls for me and some so-workers….

 

—-

Client: Creditors? I aint got none of them…jes these here credit cards

Me:-silently sobbing-

—-

Me: Could you give me the name of two old addresses?

Client: Two old addresses? What do you mean by an old address?

Me: Uhhh somewhere you lived before here?

Client: I don’t have any old addresses!

Me: Erm…you lived in your current house your WHOLE life then huh?

Client: Well of course not

Me: HA! Alright, so what was the address of the house before this one?

Client: -eye rolling- I just TOLD you, I don’t have any other addresses

Me:-whimper-

—-

Client: …and then my cat had chickens…that cost me mah WHOLE life savin’s!

Me: -snoring-

—-

MM: Do you have any dependents?

Client: I have about three kids.

—-

Me: Alright, what is the debit card number?

Client: -silence for a few moments- Is that…the big number on the front of the card?

—-

Me: What is the name of two old addresses?

Client: Well you’d have Bank of Everything on there

Me:-rubbing bridge of nose..groans-no…nononnonono, I SAID the name of two old ADDRESSES

Client: Two…old…

Me: add…ress…es

Client: -blank voice- oh..kay

Me: -rocking in chair, whimpering-

—-

MB: Wait…you have lived there for for a year and have never gotten an electric bill?

Client: No.

—-

Me: Are you male or female?

Client: What do you mean?

Things I cannot do at work

-ask clients if brain rental is a standard monthly expense
-try to strangle self or others with phone cord
-or even pretend to do so
-answer the phone while cracking gum and saying in a nasal voice ‘Opratah, how my I direct yer cawl?”
-Animal husbandry
-Amateur pancreatic transplants
-Ukrainian belly dancing
-do the Umpa Lumpa Dance in the break room
-Cannot sing the munchin songs from Wizard of Oz
-nor to the dances
-skip down the halls when head hancho management is around
-play my drum on the call center floor(management really frowns on this)
-give people new names, even though we find it funny
-answer the phone while whistling
-or while calling someone a twit
-have more than one peice of cake
-no more than one water bottle of iced coffee a day (rarely happens)
-cheer when the computers go down
-sob when they come back up
-ask managers if I can hold weekly chair races in the halls of the building
-try and ride a chair into the elevator
-no more pushing more than one button on the elevator at a time
-no standing on the desks to shout at someone across the call center
-no rolling around in my chair because I’m too lazy to stand up
-no more paper airplanes, people get paper cuts
-no more researching about tweezers (which comes from the French word etui..just so you know)
-no more frosting!
-don’t play with the barnyard animal toys, people are trying to work!
-no more playing Tweezerman!
-asking if we can go home yet because it has been over an hour since your last call
-change my phone status more than 5 till midnight
-no making rubber band balls and using mini paper binders to play jacks
-work related questions ONLY
-cannot call clients idiots
-cannot tell client’s that they are morons for trying to go against federal law and ‘beat the system’
-cannot scream ‘NO THEY DIDN’T’ when client’s say ‘well my attorny told me all of this already’
-cry ‘mercy’ into the phone
-answering the phone ‘Taco, Taco…how my I help you?’
-scream and pled in the middle of the session for the managers to not kill you and you’ll be a good child

…I’m sure I’ll come up with more down the road..heh

Spike Head!

So Connor’s head has been shaved again. His head just looks HUGE with hair on it. So With it shaved he doesn’t look like this monsterous head kid and actually looks like a kid-kid.

Anyway, so Sunday the kids are sitting at the table eating their dinner. J gets down and moves over to Connor and rubs his hand over Connor’s newly shaved head and says in loud awe filled whisper.

“It’s all…spikey! I’m gonna call you Spike head!”

All Fayne and I could do was cackle with laughter at the two…the while while Connor is sitting there stareing at J with this very confused look as if to say ‘Dude, you done lost your mind!’

Yacha cha…what?

10 years ago – I was in my mid teens. Angst and all that crap, but we sure as hell didn’t call ourselves emo. We called it teenage hood or some such shit

5 years ago – I was a nanny for my best friend in a dinky town. Suffering a lot of inner turmoil as it was the first attempt to get away from my mother. Who only ruined it all for me, are we surprised? Fuck no.

1 year ago – A fine question! I was…erm…working? I think? FUCK A year ago I was turning a year younger than I am today. Holy shit man! I can barely remember what I did two days ago!

Yesterday – got home at the ass crack of midnight thirty, passed out, got up, took the niece to school, came home…did a great imitation of a sloth for a while on the couch with the boys draped over my like little toddler sloths. Cleaned…and…worked! I’m so exciting…I KNOW

5 snacks I enjoy – snacks? What is a snack? No really..baby carrots, chocolate, those cheese Danish things in the vending machine at work (what?), peanut butter and mayo sandwich(don’t judge me!), and chips! I know…I’m so healthy

5 songs I know all the words to – Whispering Jessie, Falling Leaves (The Refugees), Never A Doubt, Bread and Roses, A Country Girl in Paris by John Denver,

5 things I would do with $100 million dollars – *eyes glaze over*

5 Places I would run away to – Ruh? Away? Good Christ. Don’t you know children have this innate ability to find their parent without directions? You can run ma, but you aint hidin’!

5 things I would never wear –
1. Sunflower perfume – my sister wore it every damn day in high school and middle school…hate the shit
2. Crocs – I don’t give a shit how comfortable they might be…I hate them
3. those huge fuzzy boots that are in fashion, we’re in TEXAS PEOPLE
4. OH! Mountaineer boots…in public
5. Skinny jeans…cuz aint no pair of jeans gonna make me skinny

5 Favorite TV Shows – When I had it? M*A*S*H, House, CSI, ANTM(I know…I KNOW), and whatever else

5 Biggest Joys – my son’s uncontrollable laughter when he does something stupid, when Fayne and I get into our penis envy talks, the family I’ve created on my own, hugs from the kids, and kicking back and just talking about nothing for shits and giggles

5 favorite toys – slinky, my lego car, my Hot Wheels car, my computer, and my etch-a-sketch pen!

Desk Wars – The End (I hope)

Well Holy Cats the day finally came! I’ve been moved! Desk wise at work. Those that read the Desk Wars Saga know about the Twit. Those of you who do not..let me recap.

1. She writes on the desk
2. She leaves food in the keybord
3. She left a freaking rotting lemon in the desk.
4. She is just no right in the head(wait, that is a personal opinion.)

Anyway…so a manager just came up and told me that I was being moved with another person in the call center. I’m fine with this, as I no longer have to sit with the Twit. Crap thing is I had to pack up all my stuff…which fills a huge arsed box…it is books, files, crayons, coloring pages, toy cars, lego cars, a pen with an etch-a-sketch on the end..

What? I get bored really easy at work.

Anyway, as the person who I am desk trading is not here tonight my stuff gets to sit in a box for the rest of the night and all freaking weekend long. I’m not sure I dig that AT ALL.

Downsides of the new desk

1. No place to put my stuff noooowwwww
2. There are freaking sticky notes all over the moniter..I like my moniter to be freeeeeeeeeeeeee of anything.
3. It is crammed with junk…seriously crammed. Driving me nuts
4. It is louder over here…more people around me

Upsides to the new desk
1. NO MORE TWIT
2. Closer to friends at work…YAY for more chit chatting!
3. Closer to the door so I can leave faster
4. Easier to slump down and hide…hehehe

Right so yes…hopefully this does put an end to the Desk Wars

I can only pray

*and beats the ‘a’ key into freaking submission on the keyboard*

This is Beckah…signing off!

…and then there’s this Einstein…

STANTON — A 24-year-old man remained in jail late Thursday after he was arrested when he locked his keys in his vehicle and had to flee on foot after robbing the Stanton Drug Store with what was later found to be a caulking gun.

John Wilkinson, 24, of Big Spring entered the Stanton Drug Store in the 200 block of St. Anna Street just before 12:35 p.m. Thursday yelling at customers to get down and demanding Zanax and hydrocodine from the pharmacist, Stanton Police Chief Mike Adams said.

Wilkinson was carrying what appeared to be a gun wrapped in a dark cloth and ran out the front door after taking the drugs, Adams said. However, when Wilkinson reached his car that was parked and running in front of the drug store, he realized he’d locked the keys inside and was forced to flee the scene on foot instead.

Police located Wilkinson between buildings in the 100 block of North St. Joseph Street just before 1 p.m., Adams said. During the pursuit police shot Wilkinson in the top of the shoulder when they thought they were in danger because of what appeared to be a weapon in Wilkinson’s hand, though when police unwrapped the weapon they realized it was merely a caulking gun.

The shoulder injury didn’t require stitches, and Wilkinson was treated and released from Midland Memorial Hospital where he was taken into custody on a charge of armed robbery.

I am…impressed. A caulking gun? WOW! I want to know how he made the caulking hammer look like an actual gun. Much less how anyone could see those things as an actual gun!

Simply brilliant I say!

Goodbye Roman

Saturday we got a kitten, we named him Roman. He is one of the few cats I have let myself actually really attach to.  How could I not? He was the true meaning of ‘kitten’. Loved to play, to cuddle, to sleep…everything was wonderful to Roman. He was NINJA KITTEN.  One of his favored things to do was hide under the couch and swat at your foot when it came into sight. Half the time I didn’t even know he was under there.

But Roman had a problem…he had a prolapsed rectum. From everything the vet told us and the SPCA told L…there was just nothing that could really be done for him. Sure, we could have paid out the nose for a surgury that could fix the problem…for a short period of time. So this morning I sat on the couch and loved on him before L came with Roman’s sister Indy. He left Indy with us and took Roman to the SPCA so he could be humanely put down. The kids have been told that Roman is going to live with the doctor for a very long time because the doctor can help Roman with his ‘owie’…I have never wanted to hide the truth so much from these kids in my life.  I always tell them the truth, but in this case…I can’t. They are too young and too innocent to need to know about this sort of thing.

So for now…we’ll miss you Roman.

Roman